A Healthy State of Being: Body dysmorphic disorder? Can you relate?

Blogging inherently has a touch of vanity to it. And when I follow another's blog, I am always very curious about the author. One of my goals with this blog is to not only help myself get a more healthy attitude about my body image, but to show others that they are not alone when it comes to a preoccupation with food and body size.

So I've decided to post a number of photos of myself throughout the past years. As you'll see, I've always thought I was fat--even when I was anything but. Today, I am fat--I'm just under 5'9" and weigh 178 pounds giving me a BMI of almost 27!! That is why I have no current photos. I promise that when I get down to a tolerable size I will post some before/after photos!

If you recognize yourself in my comments...please give a shout.

Labor Day-2009...All I ever wear are oversized, blousy clothes to hide that fat...the legs are still relatively skinny. But as Carl, my honey, says, "skinny legs don't count"! I think I also posted a photo-shopped version of this pic on Facebook?

Las Vegas-August 2009...chubby round face--only the camera angle allows this photo to be published. We had a great time, ate some very good food and walked miles, but I wouldn't let Carl take pictures of me.

Destin, Florida-March 2009...This is the view from our bedroom patio door of our condo. We took lots of photos but there is only one of me and it horrifies me. You may see it when I have an 'after' picture to compare it to!

Self-portrait-February 2008...I was at about 155 here and while I wasn't happy with that weight, I like this picture. Of course, it doesn't hurt that you can't see my tum.

February 2008--cheesy resume photo but it landed me the job...which eventually turned into a nightmare! Pharmaceutical sales will never have me to kick around again.

Christmas 2007--a happy little family--me and my 'kids' Abby and Leo, unfortunately my marriage to Chris was in dire straits as his alcohol and drug addiction had become too much.

August 2007--Chris took a series of photos like this and this one turned out pretty darn good. We were in the boat for a day of fishing on the Wisconsin River and it was one of our last happy outings together.

Me and a very annoyed little kitteh--thankfully Leo lives on to beg for his daily treats!

Lac Seoul, Ontario, Canada-2006...I have few photos of me because I was too fat. And while the weather was beautiful, I wouldn't wear a swimsuit because I was...yup...too fat.

This is me and my catch on a family vacation to Lac Seoul, Ontario Canada. I supported Chris' fishing habits among others but he never really taught me to fish.

My truly loved brother, Michael and I celebrating his 42nd birthday in Canada in July of 2004. I brought the cake and balloons from home and surprised the boy!

Canada 2004
Natalie, my niece, me, Gage, my nephew and...
dearly departed, Abby in Nimrod t-shirts

Key West 2003--me in front of the Sponge Man. Of course, I thought I was HUGE.

Key West-20003...while my alcoholic husband drank himself silly I stuck to water

Feeling like a whale at 145, I'm hiding alone to work on my tan...sad.

June 1996--my wedding to Chris. My sister, Katy, was my Maid-of-Honor, something that she herself requested..."it's only right", she told me!

June 1996--me at 135 in Aruba on our honeymoon. I wasn't exactly emaciated, but my BMI was at 16 and my collar bones and rib bones are prominent. Why do I love this picture?

This is my favorite photo from our wedding day in June of 1996. Chris looked so handsome in his tux; I was thin and my wedding dress, which I had made for $135 from a local seamstress, fit like a dream. Beware, my friends, marriage is not the wedding day, and that handsome fellow that you lock eyes with across the bar can become your undoing.